A life-changing day of conversation
Listen up! And keep listening, even when you want to talk, just keep listening. Make “Do go on.” your catchphrases. How many times can you say it today?
Recently, I watched a French movie called “PARIS TAXI.” The story revolves around a Parisian taxi driver who is facing the biggest crisis of his life and is constantly feeling irritated. One day, he receives a request to drive an old madam to the opposite side of Paris. As the madam, who is preparing for the end of her life, asks the driver to take detours, her extraordinary past is revealed, gradually healing the driver’s heart and initiating a change within him. Eventually, that day becomes a special one that changes both of their lives.
This story makes us think about life and death, but since I am a life coach, I thought about it from a different perspective, the listening effect. He is a frustrated and uncommunicative cab driver, but as he listens to the 92-year-old madam and as she asks him questions, his heart gradually heals and he can smile.
In short, listening to the other person’s story has a healing effect on the listener as well. So what mechanism is at work?
What I learned in a mental care listening course was that when a speaker unloads a heavy load, a listener feels lightened along with them and gets a cathartic effect. Empathy and catharsis are key.
Empathy is the ability to understand and feel the feelings and situations of others. The cathartic effect is obtaining mental comfort and healing through the release of emotions and the easing of tension, a concept used mainly in literature and art.
In a listening situation, when a speaker confides in their feelings and concerns, they experience a cathartic effect by releasing their emotions and easing their tension. The listener also empathizes with the feelings and circumstances of the other person and experiences release and relaxation together, which has the effect of healing him or herself.
In my coaching sessions, I mostly listen to people who don’t feel “refreshed.” Instead of speaking from my perspective, I stand in the other person’s shoes and explore their thoughts with them. Sometimes, when I feel the conversation is getting heavy, I realize that the other person might be thinking too much and not truly expressing their feelings. When they finally become aware of their true emotions, I feel lighter as well, and it becomes apparent that the dialogue was very effective for them.
After experiencing catharsis, behavior tends to change. One client was able to go to a place they thought would make them depressed with a smile, while another client realized that something they thought was the right choice when thinking about it, felt wrong when they spoke about it and realized it wasn’t what they truly felt. This is because speaking is not just an action, but also like a litmus test to confirm the true intentions of the heart. If they hadn’t spoken, both would have likely continued to feel uneasy.
Just one day of heart-to-heart dialogue can change lives today. So let’s listen to others today. By empathizing with the feelings and concerns of others and experiencing their release and relief together, you too can be healed. I hope you will experience the power of listening in your daily life.