Crafting Your Being: The Essence of Learning to Listen

Listening doesn’t need to be tiring, free yourself of the responsibility to solve other’s problems and don’t adapt to each speaker. That’s a pro’s advice for better listening. Listening should be effortless!

One of my clients, who is a piano teacher, seems to have been told by her mentor, “You are kind, aren’t you?” While it was meant as a compliment, she also perceived it as a sign that she should think about the degree of her kindness.

Kindness often arises from adapting to others, from the heart’s intention to be helpful by changing oneself. However, this flexibility can surprisingly become a source of stress. Thus, learning the art of listening is about creating a consistent way of BEING, regardless of whom you are interacting with.

In my listening skills workshop, the “ALL EARS” community, participants share a variety of experiences, such as how to interact with different types of people and how to cope with attitudes where the other party is seeking answers or validation. I’ve noticed a contrast between my perception that listening shouldn’t be something one has to “endure” and the participant’s participation. It turned out that, unconsciously, participants were avoiding the act of listening. Realizing this in Lesson 1 was valuable. As we embark on learning listening skills, the first step involves breaking down the barrier of not wanting to listen.

Listening is not tiring because true listening skills are not about providing answers but rather assisting the other person in finding their own. As my coach once said, “A coach should be irresponsible.” While this might sound negative, it means believing that the answer always lies within the other person. And that belief becomes your way of being.

For instance, the client mentioned at the beginning she noticed that her mentor maintained a consistent attitude toward all students, respecting their ability to make their own decisions. Rather than providing immediate answers, fostering the ability to make choices and take responsibility for those choices leads to true kindness in the long term.

Implementing this is not easy, but from my experience as a life coach, the answer always lies within the other person. Guidance may be necessary for those venturing into unknown territories, but the essence of this guidance is not to teach because they can’t do it, but because they can.

Believing in the infinite potential within someone is the true kindness we strive for. This kindness goes deeper than momentary comfort, promoting sustained growth and self-actualization.

Through practicing listening skills, we embark on a journey that involves not just hearing others but also deeply engaging with our inner selves. In my coaching sessions, I’ve experienced the gradual removal of prejudices and assumptions within me, leading to the whittling down of my ego. As a result, I’ve acquired unbiased thinking, enabling me to live more freely. In other words, honing listening skills can also be seen as a journey to lighten the burdens of the heart.

Just like the question of “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” the query of ”Should we prioritize self-exploration or the development of listening skills?” presents an intriguing dilemma. From my experience, in the process of mastering the art of deep listening for others, there comes a moment of realization that it ultimately benefits oneself. And from there, one comes to appreciate how it also contributes to the happiness of others.

Thus, the travelers aboard the spaceship named “ALL EARS” set off on a journey in pursuit of true kindness. This quest for genuine kindness explores both the stimuli from the external world and the deep diving into the inner world, facilitating the travelers’ growth and evolution as human beings.