Creating Comfort: Mastering the Art of Reassuring Communication
The first step to skillful communication is saying nothing. It’s important to think about what to say before you speak… and then get silky!
Case 1:
“Please make sure everyone gargles. You were together for a long time, so I’m worried.”
The message from my mother was, as always, filled with her worries. While it’s nice to be cared for, I guess everyone finds it a bit troublesome at times. (laughs) However, I understand that continued worry can lead to sleepless nights for the person concerned. How should I reply to this message? After pondering for a bit, I sent my response. What kind of reply would you give?
Case 2:
The LINE call from my niece started with a slightly disappointed voice. “I tried doing the workbook on English grammar you taught me yesterday, but I got everything wrong. There are parts I don’t understand, can you help me?” she said.
For a moment, I wondered how to respond. She had done well with the workbook we went through together yesterday, but perhaps there were still parts she hadn’t fully understood. I wanted to respond in a way that was not negative, but rather, lead her to the next step. What kind of response would you give?
・・・・・
Case 1:
Concerns about unchangeable past events often lead to worries about the future. Thinking about how to end this loop of worry, I sent the following reply:
“I’ve had the flu vaccination, and I didn’t get close to anyone who was coughing, so for now, it seems we are okay. Y-chan seems fine too. She has a habit of gargling, so if she were to get infected, it would mean the flu is quite virulent.”
The key to responding is to provide specific facts to alleviate the other person’s worries while also showing empathy. Adding “for now” to “we are okay” changes the tone significantly; it might feel like I’m negating their worry if I just say “we are okay.” Just one word can make a big difference in how the message is perceived. And finally, I included a sentence that could create empathy.
Later, I received a reply saying, “Indeed!” It seemed like her worries had come to an end.
Case 2:
When teaching someone, I make it a point not to negate their efforts. Also, since a single statement from them is not enough information, I express my thoughts and ask questions to understand their situation better.
“Ah, is that so? You were able to solve the problems yesterday, but maybe they haven’t quite settled in your mind yet to explain them yourself. By the way, which questions did you get wrong?” I asked gently.
Hearing her response, I realized that the new workbook contained grammatical structures that I hadn’t taught her yet. In reality, she hadn’t gotten them wrong; she just hadn’t learned them yet. So, over the phone, I gently explained the new structures and created some impromptu questions, guiding her to solve them herself.
“I did it! I understand now!” she exclaimed with joy in her voice, and I felt a deep sense of relief. That day, my niece learned something new and boosted her self-esteem. I, too, reaffirmed my ability to teach through guiding her.
As someone who works in a profession that involves listening to people, I still always exercise caution in choosing my words in response. Previously, I had a tendency to react emotionally to what others said. As a result, I spent days focused on calming my mind and trying to understand the other person’s perspective. Learning to choose words that are neutral yet empathetic has been like a long period of training for me. Throughout this process, I learned the importance of not being swept away by emotions and taking a step back to assess the situation. This has been one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned through my interactions with others. I feel that continuing such a positive and supportive relationship is important for both me and my family.