From Listening to Painting: A Journey of Empathy and Connection
A lightbulb doesn’t know it’s a lightbulb until you turn it on. It can’t turn it on itself. People are lightbulbs, but finding the switch on a dark world is difficult. The more bulbs you switch on the brighter the world becomes.
In a mental care listening course I attended about nine years ago, I learned about the way to engage in a dialogue that empathizes with people’s hearts. I learned the preciousness of connecting with people’s hearts, and the course itself brought catharsis to me.
One of the cathartic stories that occurred was an episode in the field of elderly care. It seems that one day a student who was practicing nursing care there gave a mirror to an elderly woman who lacked a smile, in order to do something for her. The student, who had been observing the old woman’s behavior, thought she might want to put on makeup, and helped her with it. As a result, the old woman began to show a smile.
As everyone ages, the desire to do one’s own thing may wane. If there’s nothing they want to do, their smile will disappear as well. At such times, it’s important for those around them to sense their needs and give them the opportunity to engage in activities they might enjoy.
My father has also grown older. He experienced a common issue among the elderly, slipping in the bathroom and fracturing a bone. During the pandemic, we couldn’t even visit him, and it took him eight months to be discharged from the hospital. We were worried that he might forget about us, but when he returned home and saw the family, he seemed happy.
In an attempt to make it more than the status quo, my mother took him out for walks, and at times he recovered to the point where he could walk 8,000 steps a day. The rehabilitation doctor even said that he wants to use her as a model case. The other day, he went to see the latest medical movie with my mother.
On the other hand, his body is healthy, but he has forgotten that he had COVID-19. But that’s about it, there is no problem in his daily life. He eats delicious food every day, and his skin is glowing. Besides, I know what is happening now. So being with my father allows me to live in the present.
My mother sometimes asks me to take care of my father. So I once took colored pencils and B5 copy paper with me, printing out drawings by Monet and Van Gogh.
Once, at the age of 82, my mother sent him to a pottery class, and the whole family was amazed at how well he painted strawberries on teacups. Drawing was never his hobby, but I wondered why he hadn’t done it before. So, I thought it would be nice for him to draw pictures.
This time, for our second art session, I brought 36 colored pencils, 12 paint colors, and a sketchbook. After we finished our meal, I casually laid out the tools in front of my father, and he chose to draw Katsushika Hokusai’s “Red Fuji.” To make it an active activity instead of a passive one, it’s important to let the other person choose what they want to do. That is what it means to elicit motivation from them.
He started drawing the outline of Mount Fuji without any hesitation, and the sketch was completed in no time. Next came the paint. However, since his left-hand does not move well, he could not get the paint out by himself. So I prepared a palette for him. The point of encouraging people to do something is to read several steps ahead of their actions and prepare for them. Like listening, shutting them off will lower their motivation.
The process of layering and applying colors seemed a bit difficult, so I guided him by showing him where to paint. Finally, he fixed any uneven color spots, and the painting was completed in 45 minutes. During these 45 minutes, his concentration never wavered once.
When I showed my father the painting from a bird’s-eye view, he seemed very satisfied and smiled. Encouraged by this, I had him try his hand at still-life paintings, including a banana, a cup, and a straw hat. To my surprise, he can draw them as well! I’m glad I didn’t buy coloring books.
Using a sketchbook this time seemed to be a good choice, as the next day he looked at his own drawings and seemed pleased. It’s possible that connections to the past might be revived through this activity.
Observe the other person closely and naturally set up situations in which they can shine. By doing so, we can contribute to creating a world in which each person can shine. And I want many people to experience such feelings of joy.