Silky – feedback equation
In 2022 we need some “Silky masters” to make this the best year ever. Let’s get silky!
In the book 「The Art of Loving」, the author describes the need to 「listen to the other person」 to become a loving person. But how do we know that we have listened? I would like to explain this by looking at some cases in our daily lives where we have struggled to find the right words to say back to the other person.
CASE 1
It was difficult to find the right words to say to a friend who was very concerned about her bad year. When I told her that I didn’t care about my own year of bad luck, I felt like I had distanced myself from her. She told me that she had been to three exorcisms, so I asked her why she had been three times and I asked questions that she might want to answer.
CASE 2
When I went back to my parents’ house, my mother made me a meal. It was delicious for me, but my mother kept saying, 「It could have been better. 「 I know how she feels because sometimes I feel the same way, but I don’t think it’s necessary to say it, because I think it’s delicious, even so I don’t know what to say to someone like her who says that over and over again.
So, what would you say?
Here’s what I would say.
CASE 1
“You went to exorcisms three times to get rid of bad luck, so you’ll be safe now.”
CASE 2
”Wow! You are a master. Thank you for always doing what you do best.”
From what perspective does this feedback come?
I once solved this equation.
One day, I went to an English lesson without being able to write this newsletter. I said to my English teacher, “I have writer’s block,” and he said, “So that means you’re a real writer.” After about three seconds, I thought, “Oh, so that’s what that means! I became a professional.”
So, the “silky feedback 4-step” is…
- Stand from the other person’s position.
- 2. See things as they do.
- 3. Focus on the possibilities.
- 4. Choose positive words to say for the other person’s relief.
Now, in 2022, you’re a Silky Master!