The art of loving thy cactus.

BIG BOSS said, 「 Don’t say that you want to be a player that fans love, the most important thing is that you love fans, so please keep that in mind」.

Client: I had an irritating situation at work. I thought I needed to use the art of loving, so I tried to love the person who annoyed me. But how do I do that? I I wondered if it was right to watch over her or to hope that she would grow up on her own. What I should do?

Me: What was your irritation?

C: I was annoyed when she gave me a task that was faster for her to do. I have always wondered why she behaves in this way. I haven’t told her what I was annoyed about, so it just built up inside me. If I tell her she should do something, I feel like I’m imposing my righteousness on her what should I do.

Me: Did you take it on in the end?

C: Yes. When I gave it back, I said, 「I think it would be faster if you did it yourself」. After I said it, I wondered if I should have said it. You were talking about hesitation and consideration. I’m being very reserved with her. It’s not just me, there’s an atmosphere where other people can’t say it either. Maybe it’s a consideration, but I feel that if I say it, I don’t want to make her feel blamed, but I also feel that I should say it because it’s a job.

Me: The person who says it actively is the one who can love.

C: I know! There is one person in my office who is challenging people boldly. He told me that she might not like him. He thinks that he has to teach her so that she won’t be in trouble in the future, which I think is very loving. For me, I’m afraid that the other person will think badly of me. Oh, that’s what it means to love, isn’t it? It’s beautiful what you say when you think of the other person. I have to get over my fear.

Me: It’s like, 「Wouldn’t it be faster if you just did it?」 That’s the way the Big Boss would say it, isn’t it?

C: I’m trying to say it in an obtuse way, so when I was about to say it, I was feeling overwhelmed.

Me: It’s not about changing your attitude according to the other person, it’s about how you are. If you think that way, you will be able to say things better.

C: He told me he couldn’t sleep at night thinking about what to say.

Me: If you think about ”What can I say?」 every time, you get better and better at it. Just like you get better and better at choosing presents.

C: That’s what giving is all about! As Erich Fromm said, it requires knowledge and effort! She is a quiet person, so I think I need to create an environment where she wants to talk to us.

Criticism is a gift and we need to be more generous with it. Be a cactus lover.

Love thy neighbor.

Love thy cactus.